We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
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Family Vacation – Where you remember why your family never spends time together. I think I freaked out the TSA Guard at the airport when I asked him if I chose the “enhanced pat-down” instead of the full-body scan, did that come with some Barry White music and a nice glass of merlot. A good family vacation is when nobody returns in a body bag, and it only takes two weeks for the kids to start liking each other again. Ah, the beach! Sunning, swimming, snacking … and the chance to drive home in wet shorts full of sand. The very best vacatio...
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger … then it hit me. He hit the baseball so hard it needed 108 stitches! The authorities have been showing up at Wrigley Field lately because they heard base stealing was up. I’m going to the baseball game. If I don’t come back by midnight, it means I caught a baseball worth more than a million dollars and left the country. Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Never mind, it’s way over your head. If someone says, “You pitch great for a southpaw,” is that a left handed compli...
High School Graduation – where finishing one of the easiest and most basic parts of life is suddenly a huge deal. For my graduation speech, I would like to thank the Internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Office and Copy/Paste. Some people graduate with honors, others are just honored to graduate. Now that I’m graduating … I just hope this B.S. pays off. I graduated. So, now I’m like smart and stuff. The first call I got after I graduated was my University asking for a donation. You may have graduated, but you’re not finished with Show and...
By Anita Mau (Dan Stevens was up north for his granddaughter’s golden birthday, and director Jamie Graf did not want him at dress rehearsal because the cast was not ready. But thankfully, a loyal reader (Anita Mau) who heard about Dan’s absence, took it upon herself to fill in – and did an admirable job, we must admit! Unfortunately, photos that were promised, never arrived.) I heard that you missed the EPC Drama Department performance of “Bye Bye Birdie”. I have absolutely no qualifications to give a review, but thought that the kids dese...
It’s not easy being a mom. If it were, Dad would do it. Today we honor cooks, nurses, chauffeurs, counselors, teachers, maids and referees … in other words – moms. A good mother loves her kids. A great mother still loves them when they’re teenagers. Remember, your children should always be your inspiration … even if it is only to drink more. Mommy has a headache, so you kids go play in traffic. It’s not easy being a mother these days … Texting in all caps just doesn’t have the same impact as good, old-fashioned YELLING! Mother’s Day sh...
Enjoy a vocal night of tight musical harmonies and solos by the Royal Scots Friday, May 12 at 7:30 p.m. in the Fine Arts Theatre at the Ferguson Fine Arts Center, 2998 W. Pearl City Rd., Freeport, Ill. Since 1967, the Royal Scots has been the premier vocal ensemble in the region. The 56th Annual Royal Scots Show is a high-energy performance of vocal jazz, a cappella, du-wop, musicals, gospel, and pop music. Featuring the hottest stage band on the prairie, the 8-piece Highland Watch band lays down the groove for a fun-filled evening of music....
On August 27, 1832, Black Hawk and his remaining allies surrendered at Prairie du Chien, bringing the brief but bloody Black Hawk War to a close. Only a few years later, Black Hawk's name and likeness began appearing on drink bottles, cigars, boats, schools, sports teams, and more. So how did America's Most Wanted turn into America's Advertising Darling? Join the Apple River Fort, as we host an evening with Clifford Krainik, author and historian, to explore Black Hawk's dramatic media...
Timber Lake Playhouse (TLP), the premier professional summer theatre of northwest Illinois, is thrilled to announce that The Lightning Thief: The Percy Jackson Musical, an "electrifying" (Newsday) musical adaption of The New York Times bestselling novel written by Rick Riordan, book by Joe Tracz, music and lyrics by Rob Rokicki will open at TLP on May 12 for one weekend. From page to stage, it's a thrilling new musical for all ages. With more than 100 million copies of the book series sold...
Tickets will go on sale at 8 a.m. online Thursday, April 27 for the Summerset Theatre 48 production of “Matilda the Musical,” which will be presented at Highland Community College’s Ferguson Fine Arts Center Theatre on June 22, 23, 24, 29, and 30, and July 1 at 7:30 p.m. There is a matinee at 3 p.m. on July 2. In-person/phone sales will begin at 1 p.m. Thursday, April 27 and run through Thursday, May 11. In-person/phone sales will begin again on Monday, May 22 at 1 p.m. Online sales will be continuous. “Matilda the Musical” is a captivati...
Lord, no matter how many times a week I have to mow the yard, it’s still better than shoveling snow. I came, I mowed, I kicked grass! Adult peer pressure … seeing your neighbor mowing their yard. I grew up in the 70s, our idea of gofundme was offering to cut the neighbor’s yard or $5. What? You’re asleep at seven on a Saturday morning? Let me cut my lawn so you can hear the song of my people. They say that the Fall is the perfect time to fertilize your lawn so it will grow extra tall and thick this summer. Which is precisely why I won’t b...
Enjoy a night of springtime melodies and music of the classics with the Highland Orchestra and Highland Concert Band at the Spring Instrumental Music Concert on Friday, May 5 at 7 p.m. in the Fine Arts Theatre at the Ferguson Fine Arts Center, 2998 W. Pearl City Rd., Freeport. The Concert Band and Highland Orchestra join forces to present a compelling evening of music including, "Led Zeppelin on Tour” arranged by Patrick Roszell, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor” from "Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood" and "Remembrances” by Highland student Conner Jord...
I miss being able to slam my phone down when I hang up on somebody. Violently pressing “end call” just doesn’t do it for me. I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work. I left my phone under my pillow last night and when I woke up it was gone and there was a dollar coin there. I think it was the Bluetooth fairy. Is it true that the security phones that work at Samsung are called the Guardians of the Galaxy? Do you mind if I strap your phone to my forehead so I can pretend you’re looking at me when I talk? No,...
The latest innovation in office safety is an airbag that activates when your computer crashes so you won’t hurt your head banging it on the desk in frustration. Uhhh, my computer just told me I need to upgrade my brain to be compatible with its’ new software. “How do you think my first day of Kindergarten went?” snapped Johnny at his grandma. “They didn’t even have wifi.” I’m sure this website is safe. As an extra measure of security, they make you sign in with your Social Security number, mother’s maiden name, your bank account, home add...
On Friday, April 21, bring the whole family to the Jo Daviess Conservation Foundation's annual frog walk beginning on the east side of the Meeker Street footbridge along the Galena River Trail in downtown Galena, IL. It begins at 6:00 pm. A great event for kids, participants will learn about the difference between frogs and toads as well as how to identify them by their sound or "call". Free to attend and RSVPs not needed. This is a catch and release event. Parking is available on Park Avenue...
The year is 1958, and the much-adored rock-and-roll idol -- Conrad Birdie (Dylan Olvera) -- has been drafted into the US army. His songwriter and agent, Albert Peterson (Hudson Groezinger), and Albert’s secretary and some-time girlfriend, Rosie (Caylie Schubert), hatch a plan for a farewell performance to take place on The Ed Sullivan Show, which they hope will help sell Birdie’s new song “One Last Kiss” and ultimately save Almaelou records from going under. To cap off the performance, Birdie will actually give ‘one last kiss’ to Kim MacAfee (N...
The Northwest Illinois Daily (a cooperative fundraiser) announces its March winners. The Daily Drawing is a drawing for 365 daily cash prizes from October 1, 2022 – September 30, 2023 to those donating for a ticket. Over $21,500 is paid out to ticket holders during the drawing year. Cash prizes vary between $50 and $250. A ticket may win multiple times as each ticket remains in the drawing each day for the entire year, no matter how often it may be drawn. Sponsoring organizations from Jo Daviess, Carroll & Stephenson County include: Caring Comm...
If April showers bring May flowers, what do April blizzards bring? Can February March? No, but April May. I made sure to propose to my girlfriend on April first. That way, if she said “No” I could just say “April fools!” I garden in the nude. It’s a lot cheaper than a scarecrow. April Showers Bring Mayflowers? False, various environmental factors determine plant growth. I’m thinking about doing a little work on my lawn but I can’t decide … concrete or gravel? If April showers bring May flowers, May flowers bring a strong sense of accomplishment...
The Highland Community College Music Department will present a concert featuring the HCC Chamber Singers at 7:30 p.m. on Friday, April 14 in the Fine Arts Theatre in the Ferguson Fine Arts Center, 2998 W. Pearl City Rd., Freeport, Ill. Enjoy an evening of beloved madrigals spanning from the 16th century until today, featuring the music of Monteverdi, Fauré, Morton Lauridsen, Gilbert & Sullivan, and the Spice Girls. As one of Highland’s oldest traditions, the select Chamber Singers is open to any Highland student who has extensive choral experie...
Easter Egg Hunts are proof that your child can find things when they really want to. Easter Eggs hide because they’re a little chicken. I’m looking for an adult Easter Egg Hunt. Instead of plastic eggs and little pieces of candy, they hide glasses and cans of cold beer. If you see a rabbit laying little brown eggs, don’t eat them, that’s not chocolate. There’s not point in hunting for Easter Eggs in my house. The only bunnies around here are dust bunnies. Each year at Easter my mom would send us out into the yard with baskets. Then she’d loc...
Replacing a long time and beloved theater director at a small school is never easy, and while there were several areas that will undoubtedly be improved upon in the years to come, Stockton's production of Shrek proved to be a solid first effort for new director Brian Thompson. First, let's hit the highlights – costuming was amazing. From the pint sized Farquaad to all of the Fairytale characters ... I know a lot came from the Byron Civic Theater, but still – it was great! I was also really imp...
The problem with lawyer jokes is that lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and no one else thinks they’re jokes. Every time lawyers tell their same old jokes, they end up arguing over copyright infringement. In the future, you should have been taught in law school to say “I object” instead of “That’s total bull%$@#.” I’m really sorry your honor, and I promise I’ll never get caught again. The difference between a lawyer and a heard of buffalo is that the lawyer charges more. Your honor, my client requests the opportunity to try a different sto...
My mechanic said it would cost $300 to fix the squeak my car’s engine was making, so I decided to just play my Iron Maiden CD really loud to drown out the noise. I don’t know what’s wrong, but if you open and close the hood like this, It looks like your car is talking. You can tell he’s an auto mechanic – he washes his hands before going to the bathroom. I’m sorry Mr. Stevens, but the only service I can give your car is a funeral service. I certainly hope it doesn’t take me as long to pay your bill as it did for you to get the part my car n...
It has come to the point where the biggest mistake I can make is to underestimate Director Renee Schultz. She went out on a limb by choosing "We Will Rock You" as the annual musical production for Lena-Winslow, but what was put on display was really well done. When you pick a show that people know the music - comparisons are bound to be made. Everyone knows Queen, but with only a couple of exceptions - the tunes were nailed. I was stunned to hear lead Rowen Schulz hit the high notes on his openi...
The Orangeville Broncos held their Spring performance last weekend. Instead of a 'show' in the classic sense of the word, Director, Joe Davis went out on a limb - making his very young cast try their hand at Improvisational comedy, mixed in with a collection of comedy monologues and short skits. Now, when I say the cast was young, we're talking young. Eighth graders - kids 13 and 14 years old - were put up on stage to try and perform in front of family and friends. I won't lie, the expectations...
May the wind at your back not be the result of the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. You don’t need St. Paddy’s Day to spot a leprechaun. There are plenty of strange little men everywhere you go. I actually saw a leprechaun once. After enough green beer, you see all kinds of stuff. The luck of the Irish is fine, but I prefer the scowl of the crabby. It’s easy to get people dancing at parties. Just hold up the line for the bathroom. So, if St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland, I wonder if I could get him to stop by our offic...
