We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
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Legend Says, when you can’t sleep at night its because you’re awake in someone else’s dream. So, If everyone could stop dreaming about me, that would be great. Time really flies when you take two naps a day. Damn right I’m good in bed. I can stay there all day. I have a date tonight, with my bed. We’re totally gonna sleep together. Blanket on – too hot. Blanket off = too cold. One leg out: Perfect. Maturity is realizing that no human being is more important than your sleep. It doesn’t matter if I sleep 2 hours, or 13 hours. I will still be...
The Shenandoah Riding Center (SRC) located in The Galena Territory will host Fear Forest on Oct. 12, 19 and 25 from 7 to 10 p.m. and a Monster Mash Bash on Oct. 25 from 7 to 11 p.m. Do darkness and creeping through an eerie forest sound like the perfect night out? Walk through a haunting trail of fright in Fear Forest. Start at the SRC barn where you can purchase food and drinks. Then, muster up the courage to face your fears! This 20- to 30-minute walk through the most haunted forest in Galena is sure to be a hair-raising experience. All...
The Badger State Archaeological Society will hold its 45th annual Native American Indian Artifact Show on Sunday, October 27th. The event will be held at the Rehmstedt gym in Monticello School, 334 South Main Street, Monticello, WI from 8:00 am until 3:00 pm. Cost of admission is $2.00 for anyone 14 years and older. There will be experts on hand to identify your artifacts. Ralph Hammerly, Paul Severson and James Beer started the show with only five tables in Monroe 45 years ago. Today, the show has grown to over 80 tables of artifacts on...
Anybody else think that we’re living in the golden shower age of yellow journalism? Who needs Saturday Night Live anymore when real life is more of a joke? CNN announced today that Trump lost the debate two days before it took place. The Surgeon General announced today that mother’s milk can cause cancer. The only problem now is finding a place to put the label. There were no survivors, but also no deaths because nobody was there. Kamala Harris is going to win according to our special poll of 27% republicans and 73% democrats. According to the...
I’ve invented a new plow … it’s ground breaking. Almond milk? That’s nuts. If a cowboy is happy, does that make him a Jolly Rancher? Cow jokes? Herd ‘em. You know what a farmer talks about when he is milking his cows? Udder nonsense. Remember, a cow with no legs is simply ground beef. Don’t tell secrets in the garden. The potatoes have eyes, the Corn has ears, and the Beanstalk. That farmer is not snoring, he’s dreaming he’s a tractor. I got news for you Hal, burying your money will not make your soil rich. Save a cow, eat a Vegan. It is a...
The Shenandoah Riding Center (SRC) in The Galena Territory will host Fear Forest on Oct. 12, 19 and 25 from 7 to 10 p.m. and is looking for volunteer “master scare artists.” Do you have a knack for scaring the wits out of people? Do you enjoy the startled look on people's faces? Does this sound like something right up your alley? Then we want you! Volunteer to be a “master scare artist” for one of three (or all three) nights. For each night volunteered, you'll receive a $25 Visa gift card and a voucher for one free SRC Discovery trail ride! C...
The “Best Event in Illinois” returns with even more great activities for craft beer enthusiasts in Downtown Freeport September 28. Pretzel City Brewfest will feature over 150 craft beers from local and national breweries for tasting on Chicago Avenue in downtown Freeport. Tickets can be purchased online through noon Friday, September 22 at greaterfreeport.com/brewfest or at the gate on the day of the event. Pretzel City Brewfest is an entertaining event for adults 21 years and older to try amazing local and national beer brands, socialize, and...
You remind me of Haley’s Comet. I don’t want to see you again for another 74 years. I think it’s time we cancel our gym membership. We’re not working anymore. We need to take our relationship to the previous level. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would keep ‘u’ and ‘I’ pretty much where they are, far apart from each other. Maybe even make them a little further away. Our relationship is like your financial status: broke! I’m breaking up with you for religious reasons. You think you’re God, and I don’t. Honey, I’m not gay. But after dati...
All the good pick up lines are taken, so … Hi, pleased to meet you. Excuse me, I don’t mean to intrude, but you owe me a drink. Because when I saw you, I dropped mine. I’m going to complain to Spotify for you not being named this week’s hottest single. Do you have a band aid? I just scraped my knees falling for you. Do you like sales? Because if you’re looking for a good one, clothing is 100% off at my place. I thought Happiness started with an ‘H’, but mine starts with ‘U’. Did we go to school together? I swear we had chemistry. Your l...
Marriage is finding the person who puts up with your junk, admires your quirky little ways and still says I love you at the end of the day. Marriage is full of surprises but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?” Remember, I told my daughter, marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore. The secret to a happy marriage is to be sure not to hate each other’s guts at the exact same time. I married Miss Right, I just didn’t know her first name was...
Exercising would be much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burned them. Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound. I didn’t fall, the floor just needed a hug. A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between five and six. He seemed irritated when I answered ‘kindergarten’. They say money talks, but mine just waves good bye. When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it? Children: You spend the first three years of their life teaching them to walk and talk, then spend the next 16 year...
As Timber Lake Playhouse bids farewell to its summer season, the excitement doesn’t end there. The playhouse is set to offer a schedule of events this autumn and winter, catering to long-time patrons, young families, and new audiences alike. Following the success of their annual Gala on August 24th and the closing performance of Jekyll & Hyde on August 25th, Timber Lake Playhouse is delighted to bring back the beloved “church basement ladies” with Church Basement Ladies - A Second Helping. This sequel to the 2023 September hit will featu...
Timber Lake Playhouses’ 2024 summer season comes to a close with Jekyll & Hyde. The epic struggle between good and evil comes to life on the Timber Lake Playhouse stage in the musical phenomenon based on the classic story by Robert Louis Stevenson. Featuring a thrilling score of pop rock hits from multi-Grammy- and Tony-nominated Frank Wildhorn and double-Oscar- and Grammy-winning Leslie Bricusse, Jekyll & Hyde has mesmerized audiences the world over. A devoted man of science, Dr. Henry Jekyll (played by Phillip Bryan*) is driven to find a c...
Back to school … time to officially begin remembering what day of the week it is. Thank heavens it’s time to go back to school. I don’t think I could take another beautiful summer day of my parents ranting about politics. Sweetie, you have to come out. It’s the first day of school. “No! I refuse to go! They can get someone else to teach my classes.” I’m sorry Kayla, but we don’t all follow you on Twitter. So, please just tell the class what you did last summer. You might call it a school bus, but in early August we all call it an Easy Bake Ov...
Does running late count as exercise? It’s really hard to get to work at 8:00 when I leave my house at 8:01. I got up early this morning so I could be late for work without rushing. I hate being late … but I’m so good at it. I’m not sure if my teacher was running late and accidentally put on two different shoes this morning, or if she’s more hipster than I am. Sorry I’m late, but my favorite song was playing on the radio and I had to sit in the car until it was over. I’m sorry I’m late … I didn’t want to come. Ever have one of those days when...
Timber Lake Playhouse brings the classic board game and motion picture to life with Clue: On Stage, at the Playhouse, August 1 through 11. Based on the iconic 1985 Paramount movie which was inspired by the classic Hasbro board game, Clue: On Stage is a hilarious farce-meets-murder mystery. The tale begins at a remote mansion, where six mysterious guests assemble for an unusual dinner party where murder and blackmail are on the menu. When their host turns up dead, they all become suspects. Led by Wadsworth, the butler, Miss Scarlet, Professor...
The most amazing thing about the sport of curling, is that each country is able to find two men who can work a broom. Suntanning is not an Olympic sport, because the best you can get is bronze. Never forget that Australia’s first ever winter Olympic gold medal was won in speed skating by a guy who was dead last, and everyone in front of him fell down – true story! The 400 meter dash for people who never listen, forces them to run with scissors. I look forward to watching the Olympics and fooling myself into believing I could do better. The 2024...
Music on Chicago is concluding the summer music season with a spectacular repeat performance by Boogie & the Yo-Yoz on August 2 in Downtown Freeport. After their incredible show last year, the demand for more was undeniable, and we are thrilled to bring them back! Don't miss this fantastic music and community event hosted by the Greater Freeport Partnership. Since moving to the Freeport Art Museum Arts Plaza at 15 S. Douglas Street in 2021, the event has thrived in this beautiful venue for a...
With Dan on vacation, we are turning back the clock four years - when Covid was limiting everything we did. At this point, I would feel safer if the Coronavirus held a press conference to tell us how it’s going to save us from the government. Sitting here in quarantine I stop and think about all of the goods time when I wasn’t in quarantine but still never left my house. I could tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’d have to wait two weeks to see if you got it. My refrigerator just groaned, rolled its’ eyes and hissed at me … “Not you again...
LENA LIONS DIAMOND JUBILEE CELEBRATION continues with the 73rd Annual Fall Festival, known as "The Cadillac of Small Town Festivals". The festival will be held in downtown Lena on September 6th & 7th. This year is the 75th Anniversary of the Lena Lions Club! Free entertainment on Friday – 7:00 pm – SOPHIE COYOTE – a singer/songwriter from Waddams Grove! She was raised on a broad range of musical influences including classic, rock & roll, honky-tonk, country, and a bit of the blues. Sophie Coyote...
People have liked our Fat Guys With Forks reviews, but in all fairness – they are flawed. I mean, everyone who knows me, knows that I despise vegetables – all kinds of vegetables – so the only dishes I will even eat are your basic meat and potatoes. As my wife puts it, “I have the pallet of a ten year old.” I readily admit that, so my personal taste is skewed – if it’s fried with hot sauce on it, I like it. But something healthy made with avocadoes, onions or peppers … Make me gag! In additio...
Sometimes I like to be alone with my thoughts doing absolutely nothing. It’s not that I’m antisocial, I’m just pro-me. Do not take life too seriously … you will never get out of it alive. My goal this weekend is to move just enough so my wife knows I’m not dead. If I had ten chocolate chip cookies, and you took half of them, do you know what you’d have? That’s right, a black eye and broken fingers. Life is hard … but it’s a lot harder if you’re stupid. If Cinderella’s glass slipper fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? I get paid to be nice...
Bluegrass Express will be presenting a Bluegrass Gospel Concert at 7:00pm on Saturday July 20th at the Gratiot Park just north of Highway 11. The event is free, sponsored by the Evangelical Free Church of Gratiot, and everyone is invited to attend. In February of 2024, the band's single "Don't Say Goodbye if You Love Me" reached #13 on the Hooked on Bluegrass Top 50. Bluegrass Express was formed in 1980 by the father-son team of Gary and Greg Underwood and has performed extensively ever since,...
A day without beer probably wouldn’t kill me … but why take the risk? Beer is now cheaper than gas. The lesson – Drink, Don’t Drive. Beergasm – That moment when you take the first sip. Alcohol is never the answer. But it’s a good way of forgetting the question. I totally believe in second chances. So, if this beer doesn’t give me a buzz, I will have another. Beer – It’s the most important meal of the day. I swear, I didn’t text my ex-girlfriend … the beer did. Never look at your beer as half empty. Look at it as you’re half way to your next bee...
Timber Lake Playhouse (TLP), the premier professional summer theatre of northwest Illinois, becomes a Merry Old Land for this summer's The Wizard of Oz for three weeks of performances from July 11 through July 28. The most beloved tale of all time comes to life on stage! Based on the 1939 film of the same name, the musical is based on L. Frank Baum's novel "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz." The story of a Kansas farm girl who travels over the rainbow has entertained audiences for generations with...
