Village Voices - We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks

If you wear your jeans for five straight days, they become all baggy and it looks like you're losing weight.

You don't need to carry a gun for protection, just carry a fork. Then if someone tries to rob you, whip out the fork, scream, "Thank you God for this meal you have provided," and run straight at them.

This must have been the weather our parents walked to school in.

I finally found a way to get people to stop asking me questions ... I answer back in interpretive dance.

I can't wait to tell my grandchildren that "Back in my day, there was so much toilet paper, people used to liter...