Village Voices - We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks

I should have suspected my husband was lazy; on our wedding day, his mother told me, "I'm not losing a son, I'm gaining a couch."

My husband said he needed more space, so I locked him outside.

I told my wife that when I'm gone, she'll never find another man like me. Without missing a beat she replied, "What makes you think I'd want another man like you?"

It has been scientifically proven, there is one phrase that no husband has ever uttered – anywhere ... "Hun, I know where we keep everything in the house."

Marriage is simply an endless sleepover with your favorite weirdo.

A husband...